A little bittersweet
by Shefali12
Summary: Letters between James and Lily at the end of 1979. A glimpse of their life during the war, before Harry was born and their reaction to the fact that they would be parents. One-shot.


**A/N:- For Jess and Jily Secret Santa. **

**Disclaimer:- JKR owns Harry Potter and all of it's characters. I only wish I did. **

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**December 14, 1979**

Dear git-faced liar,

Wasn't it something about a week? Well, it's been a little over three and what does Remus have to tell me – "Eh, Lily? Um, James is, he's…I should go. I think I hear Professor Dumbledore calling me. Yeah, that's him. See y'around, Lily!"

(We left Hogwarts 2 years ago but he insists on calling all of our teachers 'proffesor'.)

It's really quite comical, that lie. I don't think he even tries anymore. The least he could do is fake a cough. It's what I do. And if you were around, you'd know… It's nearly 2 in the morning now, James. Is that morning? Or night? Don't answer that.

Oh! We started non-verbal shielding charms with Moody. I wasn't allowed to because I was a feeling a bit peaky. And I may have accidentally failed in conjuring a basic shield. That was that for the old coot. He had me sitting on the sidelines to observe and learn. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to come well-rested so we can avoid another 'episode'.

It was hardly an episode! It's not as if I fainted. It wasn't nearly that dramatic. Trust me. Do not listen to a word Sirius says. He's a blasted liar. He tried to trick me into trading shifts with him for Friday so I could be stuck doing boring Order work while he goes to the cinema with Merlin knows who because it's apparently supposed to be kept hushed.

Your best mate's a prat.

That reminds me. He took away my wand after the 'episode'. Very persistently, he dropped me home and made sure I wasn't given any work. How can he still not trust me? It was one time that I splinched myself and it was barely the end of my eyebrow. Also, it was over a year ago and I was tired- never you mind. It doesn't even matter.

Alright, just tell me how long you'll be gone. A month? 2 months? Try to stay out of…harm's way, as far as possible, yeah? It'd be a shame if your family's apple tart recipe died with you.

Lots of love,

Lily.

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**December 19, 1979 **

Dear Lily Potter,

Don't you just love the name? I know I do.

Anyhow, it should be until the first week of January, Lily. Probably. It won't be long and don't worry about me. Remus has been a real stickler for rules since we got here. Sodding prat! No late night excursions (I didn't even ask. I promise, Doe). But just so you know, this forest is fairly safe.

Yesterday, we finished setting up camp and somehow managed to get an audience with the dryads. Dumbledore's influence and all. Holston claims that if we can persuade them to join us, it would be a major setback for the Death Eaters. More like a good deterrent because I don't think anything is going to keep Voldemort at bay. But when it comes down to it, it's always better to have them on our side than Voldemort's.

Remus has been getting very antsy about speaking. Holston figured that out of the three of us, he'd probably get the message across the most peacefully. I made one mistake and now I have to stand bloody guard every time we go meet them. Holston won't even let me get in a word edgewise.

What a twit!

And don't even think I've forgotten about this episode. Ginger, tell me everything that happened or I'll be forced to take Sirius's word for it. You, ostensibly, near bled to death right there. Was it true? Were you feeling too sick to walk?

Lily, this is not alright. Sirius can help you to St. Mungo's, if that's what you need. Just have it looked at. Please.

The nerve of him! How dare he care enough to make sure you get home alright. Doesn't he know that the way to show you care is by leaving you out to dry, wandless and alone on a dark street with nothing besides the basic necessities like your favorite scarf for protection. Merlin, Lily, how long have you had the scarf?

In any case, let's spend a few minutes complaining about that asinine moron who sent me a bloody singing bird as an early Christmas gift. The stupid bird woke me up at the crack of dawn spewing insults. And then it buzzed in my pocket all through the audience. Tough luck, though. I don't think the dryads plan on siding with us. On the brighter side, they plan on staying neutral.

Christmas next week, Lily! What do you and Marlene plan on doing this year? Sirius isn't in the mood and Peter's been getting on his nerves so I was hoping you would go over and fix his apartment, maybe get him in the Christmas spirit.

But the checkup first, okay? Priorities.

Tell me how it goes.

Take care, love,

Git-faced liar.

P.S – I may be a liar but that's your problem now.

P.S.S – Save some dessert for me, prig. Wouldn't want me to starve, now would you? And some chocolate for Remus. Maybe send some when you write.

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**December 24, 1979**

James,

I don't know how to say this. We, Sirius and I, went to St. Mungo's yesterday like I said we would. It wasn't a very long visit. Merely eventful? Has he told you anything about it? Sirius. Has he said a word? About yesterday?

James, I'm pregnant. I have been for almost two months. I don't know what to do. I need you here.

Lily.

P.S – Happy Christmas.

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**January 2, 1980**

Dear Lily,

I've been thinking about what you said for days. But… I still can't find the right words. Maybe, and probably, it's not the best time to bring a baby into the world. However, we don't know if it is going to get better anytime soon or whether it will stay this bad. My point is that whatever the odds are of the war getting worse, there's as much a chance that it may get better.

Lily, a baby will be tough; I'm not even going to pretend otherwise. I still feel as though having the baby is the right thing to do, if that makes sense. It's really up to you, though. Whatever you decide will be okay. Just know that I'm not leaving anytime soon. And neither are Remus, Peter and Sirius. We're kind of a package deal.

And believe me when I say I've tried getting rid of those prats. It's impossible. Although, they do have their uses…

They'll help. I know they will. If you decide to keep the baby and if you don't want to work for the Order, Sirius and Peter can take over. They'd be happy to. If you need help around the house, then they can stay over. (While I'm not there, of course.) Floo them whenever you need to and this is Sirius speaking. He claimed you were too stubborn to listen to him. That's a rarity. Aren't you more inclined to listen to him than me at times?

Back to the baby… I think what we have most to worry about it is taking care of the baby and not messing him or her so badly that he or she remains scarred for life. This might be harder than it seems.

Merlin and Agrippa, I'm not making much sense, am I?

Before I go on, the question remains – do you want to have a baby now? I know you want one someday. I know you want some normalcy. A beautiful house, a nice job, a wonderful family, good friends and a proper life. Someday, when the war is over, we'll have that. I personally can't wait.

Having a baby would be taking one step closer to that, wouldn't it? We'll survive the way we have been so far. We'll keep our son or daughter safe. We'll give her the best life we possibly can. After the war is over, after things in the Wizarding World have settled, everything will return to the way it was. The way it should be.

Don't worry about that, Lily.

I love you. Stay safe.

James.

P.S – Happy Christmas to you as well, love. And a Happy New Year because I'm a git and I should have replied as soon as you told me. I just didn't know whether to be happy about it or not.

P.S.S – I do now. I'm happy. And if we weren't stuck in this state, you would be too, barring aside the fact that we planned to do a lot before having a baby. Heck, we hadn't planned on getting married early but that worked out moderately well. Wouldn't you say?

P.S.S – I can be back next week.

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**January 6, 1980**

Dear prat,

I thought about it as well. I want to have the baby. For now, I think I want to. I don't know if that will change but I've been thinking about everything the baby will bring and how everything is going to change one way or another.

We'll be parents! I don't know how I feel about being called 'Mum' but Agrippa! I think-I can't even- I'd love to be called that.

Oh, we're going to raise a child. This is so much to handle. You're right…about everything. We have no way of knowing if things will get worse or whether – and I do hope they will get better. So why not now?

We'll take care of our son or daughter. It'll be lovely. This will be our family. The one we started.

Can you imagine that?

We'll keep her safe. I know we will. The Potter name lives on, eh? I can't decide if that's a good thing or not! Fair warning, I may cry.

Sirius has been over non-stop since we found out. I reckon he's a bit excited too. He keeps saying that if we have a son, he'll train him to a fantastic Quidditch player. If we have a daughter, she's going to be a beater, like him.

Red-haired gits with hazel eyes and lanky frames. That's how he imagines our child to be. (Our child, James.)

I'll wait for you to come, though. I think you should be here for this. Remus too. But Peter hasn't been quite as ecstatic about the baby. He's afraid for us. Understandable, of course. I can hardly blame him. But it would do him good to have a laugh once in a while.

Enough about the baby, I want to talk it over with you. I had wished to see the look on your face. Anyhow, I'm feeling a little giddy.

Agrippa, how are we going to manage this?

I can't remember what we had been on about before we started talking about the baby.

We're going to be parents, James.

Come home soon. I miss you.

Lots of love,

Lily.

P.S – One day, in roughly 12 years, we'll see him off at the station and he'll go to Hogwarts. He'll make friends and bring them over the holidays. McGonagall will write letters complaining about him. You can give him rides as a stag. I imagine he'll enjoy that.

P.S.S – You realize he's going to bring home someone or she will. Let's give that 30-40 years, yeah? Or 28 is fine too. Or 16 is sweet too. That's when Mum and Dad met Reg. They hadn't taken a liking to him, weirdly enough. Anyhow, you never did either.

P.S.S.S – We'll have all of that, James. Every tiny, stinking bit of it. Just hurry up and come home. We can figure the rest out.

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**A/N:- I hope you enjoyed it! :) Thanks for reading. **

**Reviews always make my day so if you do review, remember I love you for it.**

**Happy Christmas, everyone!**


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